Guinness Speaks

I know, I know--I am NOT a basset hound! But since no one in MY home can answer me I thought I would give a shout out to all you foolish humans in the world who think basset hounds are worthy beings. If you are one of these humans, answer me one simple question: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

I was leading a fairly normal life, only having to put up with this big, sometimes stinky, floppy eared, slobbering fool who my momslave calls "Buford" (stupid name! What's a "buford?" I'm named after the greatest beer ever made!). On occasions he would put his nose in a place it had no business being--why, I have no idea...I'm a cat. Stupid dog. And at other times he would put his head against my chest and fling me into the air. (Ok, this was kind of fun but I'll never admit to anyone, even if questioned under polygraph.) But soon these encounters became less frequent. I suppose the first nail on my right front paw may have had something to do with the lessening of these events, but who knows for sure.

And then suddenly the world came to a screeching halt and tilted off its axis--my momslave brings home the silliest thing I've ever seen. It looked like "big and sloppy" but on a much smaller scale. It took me only another few seconds to realize that God is indeed a cruel and merciless entity--he put more than ONE of these needy, whiny, not-very-smart-by-cat-standards, ANIMALS on the Earth! WHAT WAS HE THINKING??

And then the worse thing in the world happened--momslave gave her a name!! She calls her Della. But no, it couldn't stop there, it had to a longer name. The thing's full name is Della-Ware Summer's End. Now what the heck does that mean?! Talk about your candy-ass titles! Just because the thing is a female does mean it has to be degraded with a froo-froo name. GEEZ!

I just don't get it. I don't get you humans who let these things sleep on the bed--that's where we, the cats sleep! I don't get all the baby talk and the cuddling. IT'S A DOG FOLKS! Go get some therapy for crying out loud!!

So again, I ask the very simple question: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!