A Dyson and A Hoover Steam Vac---it doesn't matter

Today was quite literally a spring cleaning day. I broke out my new Dyson vaccuum (LOVE IT!) and sucked up all the basset hair in the family room. Then I broke out my Hoover Steam Vac and turned a disgusting carpet into something that looked brand new...well, almost. While the carpet dried I scrubbed (and I mean SCRUBBED) the kitchen floor. When finished the carpeting was nice and dry (LOVE THAT STEAM VAC!!), so I put the furniture back and let the pups into the nice, clean room so I could deal with the rest of the house.

I know all of this is pretty boring and mundane, and no, I do not want to be praised for doing housework--what I want is an ANSWER!!!

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO PUKE ON THE NEWLY VACCUUMED, STEAM CLEANED CARPETING?????

Hello Great Big Wonderful World!

OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! IT WAS INCREDIBLE, FANTASTIC, AMAZING AND UNBELIEVABLE! Hi everyone out there in the great big wonderful world I'm Della that's short for Della-Ware Summer's End I'm a real live basset pwincess no that is NOT a misspelling I get everything I want because I am beautiful and lovable and so full of energy I don't know what to do first so I try everything that I can to see if I will like it my mother loves me very much I can tell because she is always cuddling me and playing with me my big brother Buford thinks he is a tough guy but he really isn't he likes to play but doesn't like our mom to see him play for some reason that I don't know why because playing is so much fun which brings me back to what a FANTASIBLASTIC day I had today mom took Buford and I to this place she calls a park I don't know what that means but there were trees and lakes and other doggies and trails and all sorts of new smells to smell and Buford is SOOOOOOO INNNNNNCRRRRREDDDDDIBLLLLLLY SLLLLLOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW but I still had fun because he found all the really smelly things that I didn't know were there and there were ducks and these really big white birds mom called swans and kept dragging me away from I don't know why because they looked like they would be fun to play with but the water was so very cold but the mud was INCREDIBLASTIC to roll in and mom got mad but it felt so good and then we went home and Buford laid down in the garage on the cold concrete floor like he was tired or something but I just kept right on going because I knew that if I could just get to the living room I could leave all sorts of wonderful marks on the white couch from all the mud that was all over my body but something really weird happened mom grabbed me and picked me up and she hasn't picked me up in about a month because I'm starting to be a big girl now and not some teeny tiny puppy and she carried me all the way upstairs which was great because I didn't have waste all that wonderful mud on the carpeting and would have plenty for the beds but then she put me in this big ceramic container that I think she calls a bath tub and all of a sudden I was soaking wet and soapy and watching the mud go down this thing called a drain but that wasn't too terrible because I figured if I couldn't get the couch all muddy I could at least get it wet but mom had these really fluffy towels and dried me off real good which was also ok because I got to play tug with the towels while she dried me and she wasn't very happy through all of this but I know that she was only faking not being happy because she loves me very much and I hear her coming home now so I better not let her find me on the computer because she thinks she put me in my crate which I really do like even if she thinks I don't because I put on this act of not wanting to go in there but all my bestest toys are in my crate and Guinness my bestest buddy even before Buford keeps me company by sleeping on mom's bed so I am never really alone and she's coming up the stairs now so I better go and make sure I look my cutest because I'VE GOT ENERGY TO BURN!!

Guinness Speaks

I know, I know--I am NOT a basset hound! But since no one in MY home can answer me I thought I would give a shout out to all you foolish humans in the world who think basset hounds are worthy beings. If you are one of these humans, answer me one simple question: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

I was leading a fairly normal life, only having to put up with this big, sometimes stinky, floppy eared, slobbering fool who my momslave calls "Buford" (stupid name! What's a "buford?" I'm named after the greatest beer ever made!). On occasions he would put his nose in a place it had no business being--why, I have no idea...I'm a cat. Stupid dog. And at other times he would put his head against my chest and fling me into the air. (Ok, this was kind of fun but I'll never admit to anyone, even if questioned under polygraph.) But soon these encounters became less frequent. I suppose the first nail on my right front paw may have had something to do with the lessening of these events, but who knows for sure.

And then suddenly the world came to a screeching halt and tilted off its axis--my momslave brings home the silliest thing I've ever seen. It looked like "big and sloppy" but on a much smaller scale. It took me only another few seconds to realize that God is indeed a cruel and merciless entity--he put more than ONE of these needy, whiny, not-very-smart-by-cat-standards, ANIMALS on the Earth! WHAT WAS HE THINKING??

And then the worse thing in the world happened--momslave gave her a name!! She calls her Della. But no, it couldn't stop there, it had to a longer name. The thing's full name is Della-Ware Summer's End. Now what the heck does that mean?! Talk about your candy-ass titles! Just because the thing is a female does mean it has to be degraded with a froo-froo name. GEEZ!

I just don't get it. I don't get you humans who let these things sleep on the bed--that's where we, the cats sleep! I don't get all the baby talk and the cuddling. IT'S A DOG FOLKS! Go get some therapy for crying out loud!!

So again, I ask the very simple question: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!

Bounce: what is it about Bounce?

I'm not talking about the undeniable fact that puppies literally bounce--that is a topic for another day. I'm talking about Bounce, the silly little piece of material (with or with Fresh Spring fragrance) that you put into your dryer. If you don't use this when you dry your clothes you get stuck with MAJOR static cling! And the only thing worse that staticy clothes is if you don't use conditioner in your hair (especially during the winter months) and you pull a fleece sweatshirt over your head and your hair stands up on end. But I digress...

Let's face it, bassets and laundry usually means the little buggers sneak between your legs to "steal" a dirty sock, or worse yet, dirty undergarments! When (not "if") this happens the next stage of you laundry routine consists of chasing the tiny-yet-stockily-built puplet around the house trying to get your pair of unmentionables out of that precious little mouth BEFORE they have a new decorative set of holes in them. Fat chance! First, the basset, a usually slow and sluggish moving beast suddenly has developed warp speed! They race around sporting their new found delicacy as if it were an Academy Award. The second you get close enough the dart this was and that--and you don't stand a chance at catching them because you can't run while trying to stop something whose belly is only 6 inches off the ground. Again, I digress...

So you open the dryer door and start to take out your fresh smelling, fluffy and clean clothes when you shake out a tshirt and the Bounce sheet falls to the floor. From all corners of the house (or so it sounds) comes the pounding of paws making the life-sustaining dash to the fallen sheet. Once obtained the lucky recipient spends the next few minutes chewing and shredding and tearing this small textile. And as quickly as it starts it ends. Left on the floor in at least 3 pieces is a slobber covered Bounce Dryer Sheet. What is it about those things?!

Selective Super Hearing

I am contiunally amazed at just how selective the hearing of my hounds is. You can call them until you are blue in the face and they will feign sleep or just flat out ignore you. But if you're in the kitchen eating a piece of cake they will come running from the other end of the house because they heard you bite into the creme filling! Unbelievable!

buford

buford
Originally uploaded by hsarver.

I am Buford--I am "king" of the household. I own this couch and if you want to sit on it with me you must leave plenty of room for when I decide I must stretch out. The photo on the left is of Della. My momslave thought I needed a "sister" or "playmate" so that I wouldn't be lonely when left alone. She's GOT to be kidding, right? I mean, look at that face?! Don't be fooled, she's a holy terror!!! I mean, all I want to do is sleep and all she wants to do is play, play, play, run, run, run, jump, jump, jump--UGH!!!

They can tell time, I swear it!

I am completely convinced that my bassets can tell time. Every morning at 3 AM (yes, 3 AM!!) my oldest comes upstairs and insists upon being let outside. And that, of course, get the young one up and moving too. So, downstairs we all go. And within 5-10 minutes--it depends upon whether there are any bunnies in the yard--everyone is back in the house and asleep. At 4:30 AM it starts all over again. Only this time it has to do with breakfast! This is a particularly rougher moment each day in that I'm cranky from being woken up twice. My mood makes the old boy more insistant (insistant=loud and whiny) and he puts his front paws on the edge of the bed and nudges me with his snout. As soon as I open my eyes he turns his head toward the clock, whines and then nudges me again as if to say, "It's 4:30, see?? Get up already 'cause I'm hungry."